Pensieve

My mind won't sleep and neither will I
restless thoughts lingering thru the night
Tossing, turning, my mind relentless
Dreams, goals, aspirations flooding me
Everything is very important
...but everything means nothing to me
Where will I go? Who Will I meet?
None of that matters in the least
So long as I am happy today
In this moment, in this instance
Everything else will work itself out.

Love that wasn't

I used to think we were so good,
Happiness was all I ever needed.

Time goes on and does something,
something to us all,
something that tears us apart for no reason.

All we have now is this silence,
things we should have said,
now just fragments of lost times.

Tossing and turning in bed,
your side of the bed miles away,
drowning in solitude.

I want you, I need you,
but your not here,
your just the love that wasn't.

Out at sea

Swimming in a sea of decisions, knowledge is my boat, steadfastness my oars

what to do what to do, a giant wave of indecisiveness overwhelms me

Seagulls overhead twirling, serving their purpose, distracted...

Out at sea, capsized, drowning in waves of uncertainty

Everywhere i look water, like a constant reminder of deterrances

Confusion like intense thirst consuming me, won't you save me?

Save you from yourself, ebb away like the tide

Dive deep and sink float into nothingness all of your worries dissapear

Direction is lost when all is dark...

Rain

Loneliness is worse with silence
This void of nothing all around
Enough to drive you to violence
Tears falling the only sound

I just needed someone to talk to
No one was there, as usual
No one not even you
Perhaps hope made me delusional

Swimming through a sea of emptiness
No strength to keep me alive
I grab the only thing I'm used to, foolishness
When all is gone, I could take the dive

Lifeless on the lawn, rain pouring down
each drop shattering my dreams
Staring into an ocean of tears, nothing else around
Pray for nothing, no rays of sun just screams

And then I awake, face covered in years
Years I've lived with pain and more to come
Reach for numbness as the pain sears
A fire burning deep, hatred leads to numb

Open your arms and here comes the pain
Don't try to stop or hinder it
You simply can't stop the rain
Then again its only true if you believe it

The Heartbroke King

In the dark I sit on my throne listening
reaching out into the darkness to find you
the tears i have cried on my cheek glistening
my bed will be empty no matter what I do
so what am I to do about this problem
I could sit and cry and suffer
but it wouldn't solve my issues only examine them
I must use this heart ache to grow tougher
the old wounds opened anew
I thought everything could be better could be ok
instead my heart, my soul was slew
I lay here crying, dying waiting for someone to say it will be ok

In the dark I sit on my throne screaming
how can one rule a country when he has no power over his own heart
There is no safe time for I think of you even when dreaming
I am supposed to be strong, but how when inside I'm torn apart
inside I am dying, inside I am dead, there is no more
destroyed, viscerated, vanquished, eliminated
tricked and sabotaged by a simple whore
the damage has been done, recorded, slated

In the dark I sit on my throne defeated
the darkness consuming my heart turning me
my flaws obvious, in all eyes conceited
none of that matters anymore for darkness I will be
looked over too often and not loved enough
this sickness my greatest weakness and strength
I say to you all prepare for life is going to be rough
I hope that all are ready to go the length
For my wrath will be terrible and I will exact it
No more suffering no more pain no more selfishness
Now everyone will know the anger as I portray it
All will be punished and annihilated for their foolishness

In the dark I sit on my throne deranged
inside their is nothingness only a numb echo
No one understands my rulings or my thoughts I am left estranged
Everyone will see when the King's tolerance reaches zero
There once was a good man, a strong man who cared for all
this man was smart, loving, courageous heroic someone all would follow
then those who would wish to cause him harm appeared
those who were jealous of his existence and happiness
too many followed the enemy and thus through the heart the king was speared
now the only thing left is the king's self-destructiveness

In the dark I sit in my room lost
Everything that was is no more
like a ship at sea my mind is turned and tossed
filled with anguish, anger, and hatred to the very core
Save me, save you, save yourself!
All are exiled to me and all will be forever
Stay in your false happiness tucked into your happy shelf
one day you will lose stupidity and with all humans your ties will sever

Won't you join the Heartbroke King?
Won't you lose your humanity?
Won't you cease being!?
Won't you join me in insanity?

Just be

Forever and eternity is what you mean to me
nothing will change that no matter what
When I'm with you I am happiest as I can be
Sometimes I have trouble keeping my mouth shut
but other times I can never say enough
you don't judge me or berate me
simply you give me life and make me tough
my heart was once glass now its flowing like the sea
You fix my writer's block when I cant write
you make me smile even when I'm sure I can't
I wait with bated breath for you to come back when you leave my sight
you even put up with me when I rant
I know were not perfect and never will be
but with you I don't mind my flaws
The lock on my heart was opened with you as the key
with you around my heart just thaws
Stay up all night sleep all day no matter what
all I can do is think of you constantly
your love like a beacon of light pulling me from any rut
When the phone rings i answer excitedly
If this isn't love I'm not sure what is
my heart is bursting and my chest is thumping
the melody of my life consumes me
the beat of my heart keeps the music bumping
no matter what with you I can just Be.

Detective Script

FADE IN
Screen fades in from black. A young man in his twenties or so is sitting behind a desk in an office. The office has an air of gloom in it lit by a single lamp on a side table. A name plaque on the desk says Ender Maloney P. I. The man smells the sweet yet stale aroma of the pipe smoke left behind by his latest client. Mr. Dodgers was always smoking that pipe when he came in and it always left Maloney’s office with that sickly sweet aroma in the air. (camera moves around room) The book shelves on the wall seem to detest the smell as well because the books always seem to fade a little more each time he comes in. Maloney’s secretary orders carpet cleaning for the great Persian rug on the floor after each visit.

MALONEY’S VOICE
(talking into intercom)

Ms. Lucy.

LUCY’S VOICE
(out of intercom)

Yes Mr. Maloney.

MALONEY

I need the usual clean up job Ms. Lucy.

LUCY

Yes Sir Mr. Maloney.

Maloney still can’t get Mr. Dodgers request out of his head. Never in his 5 years of being a private investigator has he ever had a request like this. (police scanner crackles in the background) Why would this upstanding citizen want him to watch a husband and wife for him? Even though Mr. Dodgers comes in often looking for Maloney’s services for little tidbits of information from aspiring clients and such. This makes sense considering Mr. Dodgers line of work being a lawyer and all, but this was a little too private and personal. Maloney would take the job anyway regardless of the situation.

LUCY’S VOICE
(out of intercom)

Mr. Maloney you should turn the volume of the scanner up sir and listen.
Maloney reaches over and turns the volume on the scanner up.

DISPATCHER’S VOICE
(out of scanner)

(static) We have a call from 1254 North Eddington Street from a Mrs. Gifalga, she says her husband has been killed. All available units to report there now.

Maloney switches off the scanner and reaches in his desk drawer and takes out a folder. The folder says Greg Gifalga and Evelyn Gifalga, Maloney lowers his head and thinks to himself.

MALONEY

(in his mind)

Oh boy, here we go…..

Space Station Script

Screen turns from black to white, an air conditioner duct is ripped open and an alien jumps out of duct.

Computer
Alert, Alert security breach in sector 8, sub floor basement. All units report to sector 8 left corridor for retaliatory actions. Alert, Alert security breach in sector, sub floor basement. All units report to sector 8 left corridor for retaliatory actions.

John
What is that?! Dans get to equipment bay and issue equipment.

Lieutenant Dans
Yes Sir. Uuumm uuuhhhh Sir. Any idea what it is?
John gets up and starts walking out the door.

John
Don't know, don’t care let’s just kill it and get off our damn ship.
Screen pans to the left and the left corridor comes into view with soldiers lining up.

Computer
Alert, all available units to sector 8 left corridor, the threat has been identified.
Threat has been classified as a level 5 threat. The threat is a Scarat Hunter. Weapons armed order is given.

Random Soldier #1
A, a, a Scarat Hunter, Commander Sir, how did that thing get on the ship, we are millions of miles away from Scaran. Are we properly armed to fight that thing?

John
Soldier, hold your tongue and hold your position. We could have been followed after we left the Third meteor belt. Our radars are jammed because of the flares coming off the stars around there anyway. The computer says there is only one of them so form up Alpha Tactical Squads and let’s make the Hunter the hunted.
The troops form into squads and proceed into a corridor and down a flight of stairs. The last person in the line of troops is pulled into the shadows unnoticed.

John
Spread out troops but stay in sight of another one of our men. As soon as someone gets a visual on the intruder notify us immediately. We are to fire on sight.
Soldiers in Unison
Yes, Sir!

Barely audible speech
My name is Tolgaktu and I am here to take over this ship all resistance will be annihilated.
All troops look around astonished

John
Stay on the ready men. Computer, switch all helm views to thermal.

Computer
Switching HUD to thermal view. Initial scan shows intruder in room 439.

John
Ok men everyone take up positions surround all exits of that room and get ready to eliminate the enemy.

Random Soldier #2
Sir, it’s not registering on the visor. I can’t see him anywhere in the room.
John
He must have switched the coolant function on his suit. Don't worry; the computer got his heat signal in this room before he switched it on. All we have to do is make sure he doesn't escape.

Random Soldier #2
Sir, Yes --- Tolgaktu breaks through the wall beside him and cuts his throat. Tolgaktu then dispatches 3 more of the soldiers as he runs around a corner. The soldiers began shooting as soon as he killed the first soldier and begin giving chase. --- Gurgle, cough, cough

John
Alpha Squad make pursuit, Bravo split off and go down the corridor to cut him off! Someone get these men a medic! Computer run a scan through our P.O.W archives to see if we have any information on a Scarat Hunter named Tolgaktu.

Computer
Yes, Commander John. Running scans now. We have no records of this enemy. Nor do we have any records of ships he could have come on.

John
What about cloaking devices?

Computer
Thermal scans have been made for the surrounding area and there have been no heat signatures from ships found.

Flash to Alpha Squad. Lieutenant Dans is being held in the air on the end of a sword. Tolgaktu throws Dans and hits a platoon of soldiers.
John rushes around the corner and sees Lieutenant Dans’ demise.

John
Men reform into your squads and attack him all together. We will not let this riffraff disrupt our ship and I won’t let him be responsible for the deaths of my men any longer.

The squads reform and charge as Tolgaktu readies for the onslaught. A large battle commences. John’s men pour shots and shots in to the intruder with no effect, while Tolgaktu shreds John’s men to pieces with blades and bullets.

John
Damn out of rounds. Why can’t we seem to hit this thing with any of our bullets?!
John sees the last of his men fall under the wrath of Tolgaktu’s energy sword and blaster rifle. John throws his empty weapon down and pulls out his combat knife.

John
You have taken the lives of my men and damaged my ship. I cannot let you live past this point.

Tolgaktu
You pathetic humans are all the same. You are all so sure and pretentious. You think you have the right to do what you want and go as you please. Today is the day you find out why all of your assumptions were for nothing. After I kill you I am going to kill every single last person on this ship and claim it for the Grixian Empire.

John smiles and charges Tolgaktu with his knife ready. Tolgaktu charges John.

When the two meet screen flash white.

Dans
Commander, Commander wake up we have an intruder on the ship.

Robot Apocalypse

The metallic beasts were everywhere.

“Good God what is that”, Nichelle panted as she ran around a corner.
“That thing must be 3 stories tall.”

She stops to take a breath and notices one of the robots have spotted her. The robot begins advancing toward her.

“Oh crap this is gonna hurt.” “I am never going to be able to get anywhere with these damn heels on. Oh but their Gucci.”

Nichelle kicks her shoes off and starts running away from the metal monster.
“That thing is gonna catch up to me if I don’t get away from it. There’s Maloney’s bar he has a back door I can get away there.”

Nichelle runs into the bar as the robot runs around the corner.

“I have to find a way to stop this damn thing before it kills me.” Nichelle pants.
She runs around a corner and sees a steel cable lying on the ground.

“If I tie that cable coming off that construction site to that 18-wheeler over there I might be able to trip it up.”

Nichelle ties the cable around the axel of the truck.

“Oh crap, oh man, I broke my friggin nail. Freaking wires, and I just got my nails done yesterday.

She then runs around the corner and screams and waves her hands to catch the robots attention. The robot runs around the corner and sees her and begins advancing on her. Nichelle waits for the robot to get closer before she runs around the corner.
The robot gets about 25 yards away when she runs around the corner. As she runs around the corner she hears a great commotion in front of her. Another robot had heard her screaming and went to the commotion and tripped over her wire as soon as the other robot ran around the corner.

“Oh man, oh man, oh man I don’t wanna die.”

Nichelle scrambles around as the two robots collide head first and stop moving.
Nichelle panting and crying, “Oh my God, Oh my God, *sob*, I can’t believe it.
Her sobs are interrupted as she hears metal grating on metal and looks up and sees that the two robots are trying to unstick their heads.

“Oh forget this, I am gonna need an espresso and a hot bath before I mess with this shit anymore.”

Nichelle runs off into the city.

Into the Abyss

Stumbling through the darkness.
“Oh my I can’ t see a thing in here. Gerald are you there? I seem to have fallen in a dark cave or perhaps the bottom of one of your spit cans. Wait, no it smells more like market day out at the V.F.W.”
She falls on her hands and knees when she steps into a pothole.
Cries of agony, “Oooohhh Gerald, I done fell and hurt myself. Are you there Gerald? I tripped over this lump of rock in the road. Wait, its not a lump of rock after all, it feels kind of like a sack of potatoes. Oh my God! It’s a man Gerald, an old one to be exact, based off his smell. He smells kind of like you Gerald. Like mothballs and Gold Bond; you know what you smell like. Here, let me shuffle over and see if he’s alright.” She shuffles around wincing from the pain till she gets close enough to touch the man.
“Hmmmm now let me see. He has a scraggly ole beard like yours Gerald. He has a big nose like yours Gerald; you know with that big lumpy thing right on top just like yours. He also has that mole right behind his left ear like you do Gerald. If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was the spitting image of you Gerald.” She chuckles softly. “That can’t be right why would you be in a dank dark place like this? Wait, it is you Gerald. Oh my God. No. How can this be?”
She starts flailing wildly and slamming her fists on the ground.
“Wake up Mertle, wake up for pete’s sake. You were having another attack. The doctor says it’s just your condition. Here, sit up and have this glass of milk it will calm you down.” Gerald states calmly.

Abomination in the Dark

The smell of her breath was that of molded onions. The foul perfume coming from her mouth was enough to make anyone vomit. The stench of her breath mixed with the stale air of the room was quite sickening. The smell of fish and wet wood was prevalent among the other stenches of the room. The darkness in the room blocked all sight, making it so that my other senses picked up so much more. The sounds, smells, and the feelings were all so heightened. The air around this foul beast was so evil, and so corrupt that the hair on the back of my neck stood up across the room. The labored breathing was distracting but not enough to deter you from the slimy, scaly feeling of the beasts tongue as it slowly wrapped itself around my neck. Her breathing sounded as if she had a dagger stuck into her back.

This creature being in the form of a nude woman wasn’t evident until it started rubbing all over me and I could feel the curves. From the feel of her body you would have thought her a very attractive woman, had it not been for her tongue, breath, and the way her hair felt dirty and oily like it had not been washed in many months. The woman began ripping off my clothes as easily as if she was ripping sheets of paper. I began struggling against my bonds. They were very tight around my wrists and my ankles were bound to the legs of the old chair I was sitting in but I was beginning to loosen the bonds. The beast began sliding her scaly tongue up and down my midriff. Had my mouth not been gagged, I would be screaming but no one could hear my muffled shouts for help. The woman’s skin was very soft to the touch and her hands were actually very sensual and this would have been very kinky and arousing to me had I not been fixing to have sex with a monster.

The fiend then grabbed my genitalia in her hand and began whimpering as she stroked it up and down. The touch of her hands was cold and soft. Regardless of the situation I was in I could not help growing excited. This vile creature was disgusting in almost every way but what guy wouldn’t get aroused by the thought of being raped by a seemingly beautiful woman. As I continued to struggle against the bonds of my captor and loosen them more and more I felt an unexpectedly good thing. This woman creature had sat down on my member. I was excited at this point but frightened as well. I began squirming and fighting the bonds even more, which I believe was turning the creature on even more. The heavy disturbing pant of her breath began to take the sound of a beautiful woman moaning with ecstasy. This turned me on even more and I began moving my hips with the creature while struggling against the bonds I was in. I didn’t care if I died anymore.

Nowhere to Hide

Sitting in the dark alone on this couch
Cigarette burning lazily in one hand
If your alone does it matter if your a slouch
You fell through my fingers like sand
You say he treats you better
and that he gives you a reason to live
Looks like we won't be together
Not sure if ill ever be able to forgive
The bed is cold and empty
The closets are all bare
The heavy depressing silence tempts me
Given up on options just sit and stare
This emptiness this feeling it chases me
The memory of you haunts me
Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide
Just me alone in this empty sea

Just A Regular Love Story

“This is the story of a boy named Shaun. Shaun was never all that lucky with the ladies because he was a just a regular guy and extremely arrogant about his intelligence, although he was still handsome and had many traits that were acceptable in a boyfriend. This story starts when Shaun was a freshman in high school. See Shaun was what most of you would call a “Hopeless Romantic” he was always looking for love even as a child. Of course as a boy this concept was beyond him, but still there was never a more curious boy.

He loved “chick flicks” and loved to read about love, however he still had no idea what it was or how you got it. And throughout his entire life he could not figure out why real life never worked like that. This brings us back to his freshman year.”

The Speaker hesitates to clear his throat and begins.

“On the first day of school there was static in the air as the anticipation hung all around in the auditorium. All of the freshmen were excited about their first day of high school and the tension was rising as all the students filed into the auditorium for orientation.”

“Welcome back to Shady High School, “the principal began from his podium at the front of the room, “I hope this year will be one to remember in the social and academic histories of all the bright minds here today.”

“Little did he know that it would be a day to remember, but for different reasons”, the speaker calmly states with that little twinkle in his eye. That first day of orientation is the first day that Shaun would see her; the girl who would haunt his dreams for the next four years, Jane.”
“Jane was a new student from some big city and was not quite accustomed to a small town in Texas like Shady, where there were more cows than there were people, but her father was a preacher who took a job in this small little town, so she had no choice. She would give it a chance regardless of anything because she was very open-minded. Jane was a very free-spirited, opinionated, doozy of a girl. She was slightly stubborn, and never really thought herself pretty no matter what anyone said even though any person asked would confirm that she was beautiful.”

“Well on her first day at Shady High she was met with a warmer reception than she thought even possible form this group of “Country Bumpkins”; turns out they are people too. Now when Jane got to Shady she was dating a boy named Alex from her old school and never even gave a second thought about looking for any guys to be buddies with. She learned shortly afterwards that long distance relationships usually didn’t work. Her boyfriend dumped her over the phone one night and so she, like many other girls, called one of her new girlfriends. About ten miles away on the other side of town a boy named Shaun was preparing for the next day of school.”

“Shaun, go wash the dishes or your grounded!” Shaun’s stepmother screams from the other room.

“Yes Ma’am” Shaun returns but thinks to himself, I wouldn’t have to if we would invest in paper plates or someone else would do them for once. Afterwards in his room Shaun lies on his bed staring up at the ceiling feeling listless as usual. Man she was pretty; too bad she would never even look at me. Shaun thought to himself. It’s cool one day I will find true love and I’ll be better for it. He turns over and switches off the lamp, he was about to be off on another dreamy adventure with Jane.

The next day at school Shaun was reading a book in his first period English class when she walks in and sits across the room from him. Shaun notices she is looking glum and walks over and sits down beside her. He was attempting to make a pretty bold move.

“Not adjusting well, huh?” Shaun asks casually. Man she even smells pretty.

“No it’s not that,” she quickly replies.

“Well then what is it that can make a girl as pretty as you look so sad and depressed?” Shaun states trying to keep his composure. “Wait, I’m sorry that was rude, my name is Shaun and yours is?”

“Jane” she replies with a grin on her face.

“What is there something in my teeth or something?” Shaun clumsily replies. Great real smooth their ex-lax.

“No it’s not that, it’s just that you don’t even know my name and you come over here and try to be my friend like you know me or something.” Jane says matter of factly.

“Well, I was just trying to be nice, I mean, it is something I usually do.” Shaun retorted.

"Well needless to say he continued to pop in and out of her daily life at school just to do stupid things so she would notice him. It was something he always did when he was really crushing on someone. This went on for a few weeks until the wrench was thrown in the works, named Christina. Funny I know right, and you thought this was only about one girl. Well you were right. Shaun started dating Christina, and believe it or not they were really happy together as far as high school crushes are concerned, and he almost forgot about Jane, almost. Man it figures she would start talking to me when I start dating someone else."

“Shaun and Christina are dating huh, I never would have thought it I should go and congratulate them.” Jane says to one of her friends. “I should go and find them right now actually.”

Jane dashes over to Shaun’s regular lunch place beside the gym. “Hi Shaun!” Jane exclaims. “Whatcha doing? So I hear you and Christina are dating, how cooool is that?”

Shaun stammers momentarily him caught off guard by the sudden presence of his dream girl. “Errrr yes that’s right, is that an amazing thing?” Jeez why can’t I ever say anything right, I’m such an idiot.

“Well no not really I just thought I would come and congratulate you and tell you that I’m happy for you.” Jane replies.

“Oh well thank you that’s nice of you we’ve been dating now for about a week, its going pretty good.

Neverending fight!

They say the strength of a tree begins in the roots
But where does that leave me
Though I stay strong, though my spirit still dilutes
Overcoming every obstacle, but still stuck at sea
When do I say enough though?
When is it too much when do I break?
If hindsight is 20/20 then life is my foe
Something out of nothing I must make
As I brandish my sword and gallop into battle
Forcing life into submission like ending it with stakes
Back through to the heart of matters
As I stand here before you reciting
Speaking in cascading waves that wash over your minds
I hope that you imitate me for this is so very exciting
This is no song, this is no book, this is no sign
This is my life in a dumb-proof version
So sit and listen as I tell you the story of a guy
Who spread love through mental dispersion
There are no limits, there are no bounds, just let go and fly

Holding on...

There was no more air in his lungs; oxygen had escaped him, his diaphragm quivering in defeat as he flipped his phone closed. For the last time she had broken his heart. She whom he would walk over fire and swim any ocean for. Yet it would just never be enough for her. How can he be lost when he’s got nowhere to go? Thoughts flooded with anguish and agony, left alone disgraced and discarded by those who he loved. Once again he is stuck pondering, stuck thinking about what could have been. Will this perilous struggle of the heart continue to defeat him or would he ever overcome?
Tears sprung to his eyes as the truth of what she said just sank in. She was gone, probably forever. What should he do? Run and try to get her back like in the movies, or sit on the stoop and sob for his loss and mourn his partner. There would be nothing left for him, she lived with him, she smiled with him, she laughed with him, and now there was nothing left but the scent of her on his pillows and her nail polish from the night before resting seemingly serenely on the coffee table in the living room. The lavender walls they painted together when they first moved in together. She chose the color for the living room and bedroom and he got the rest. Of course he chose the same for the rest of the walls. He was happy, eternally trapped in a paradigm of bliss and he didn’t care. The colors of the walls were meaningless then and now they are a haunting reminder of this unexpected turn of events.
Was his love not enough for her? What kind of person could probably be more attentive or take better care of his angel. Who could possibly dedicate their lives to someone more so then he already had been doing. The past 3 years were the best of his life and everyday was better. Just waking up to her smiling face in the morning and kissing her goodnight before bed. There was something so fantastic, so unbelievable about the little things that he took for granted. If only now he wished he could hold her once more and kiss her and let her know how much he cares. What would he do, die alone? Hardly.
Instead of waiting for his life to become a romance story, he would make a romance story into his life. All he knew was that he loved this girl and that she held the key to his eternal happiness. His keys and his wallet are the only thing decides her he needed for this excursion. As he sprints out the door hands seem to grab him and restrain him.
“Secure him he’s having another episode. It appears to be the same one as usual. Very well grab the lithium, he’ll need more.” The trainees grabbed and slipped him into a straight jacket. The door closes behind the group, the sign over the door simply stating, “Psyche Ward”.

Relentless

My goal is simple my goal is clear,
Never hesitate, never doubt, pull the trigger,
Vanquish my enemies with grace and poise as they appear,
Tis only when doing things like helping people does it make me sicker
Attack, defend, dissipate, become a ghost
Strike at them with cold hatred and fury
Remove the parasites from the earth they use as a host
Their lives mean nothing, their breath is a waste
Strike them down with eternal horrible vengeance without pause
They line up for you and beg for mercy, KILL THEM ALL! Make haste
Only when they are all left lifeless do you realize that they were abiding by your laws
So where does that leave you, a murderer, a brigand, an outcast, A CRIMINAL!
So once again left to become a ghost and disappear
Make them all suffer, claim your vengeance, keep the survivors MINIMAL!
Bathe in their blood and laugh in triumph as they appear
Rip off their heads and slice through their spirit like a knife
Never stop enjoying yourself as you claim one life after another
Cause them pain cause them suffering cause them strife
Destroy them all father, son, daughter, and mother
Leave no tell tell heart behind to sing against you
Instead serve them their recompence and let them go
As you lay and rest your head, their blood spraying off your lips
When all else is lost always remember
My goal is simple my goal is clear,
Never hesitate, never doubt, pull the trigger,
Vanquish my enemies with grace and poise as they appear

The most loneliest day of my life

There is an emptiness in my heart that I can't quite explain
No matter how hard I try, It always stays the same
I follow my routine day in and day out staying busy
The self-righteous fiddlings of my daily routine make me dizzy
Who am I? What am I? DO I question my existence or wait for another lonely day?
Who are you? What are you? Why do I pine for you so when if I found you I wont know what to say?
Forever lost in this sea of emptiness, locked inside my head I wait and see
I wait and ponder and strive and think about what I am to be
I will just sit and bide my time and hold back all the strife
On the most loneliest day of my life....

Enough

At what point in time do we all decide to say its enough and quit? SO many times since I have been in Arizona have I came just a hair's breadth from quitting and giving up on life in general. Yet no matter how hard things become I keep going. I do not know why I do, nor do I care. I cannot, absolutely cannot give up.

Quitting is something that everyone does atleast once in their lives. I have however grown tired of this defeatist attitude. I have problems just like everyone else. However, I do not believe its how we deal with our problems that define us as people. I believe its how you pick yourself up after you have already dealt with your problems. Falling is always the easiest thing you'll ever do, getting back up again becomes the problem.

It is easy to fix problems as they arise, but how many of us actually try and actively prevent the same thing happening again. Ideally its always a learning experience, but not everyone learns from their mistakes and that is the entire purpose of this post. The things we do everyday, our actions, our thoughts everything is part of who we are.

So to all of you I say this. When will you decide that your tired of losing, tired of crying, tired of failing, when will you all decide that you've had enough?

Schizophrenic Conversations

Conversations in the mirror
Words and faces never queerer
An army of one
Never limited yet never done
Inside the darkness I argue and fight, and gnash and bite
Stuck forever with this manifold blight
Alone in the dark I sit and wait
Never early nor ever late
The voices call and berate
Filling me with anger and hate
Wishing for silence, wishing for peace
Fighting myself gritting my teeth
Hands shake, cant stop, feeling bad
Its going to happen. Again, it’s sad
How do I fight that which I can’t see
No bullet can hurt an invisible enemy
Nothing left to do but take more medicine
It is my burden my gift and my sin
Inside my closet, fetal position
Schizophrenic conversations, searching for redemption
Come with me inside my mind
Ill take you on a journey of a lifetime
When its over you’ll understand
In my mind im not the only man
Relieving the pressure with words when alone
I am allowed to sit and calm them, atone
Here I am once again in the dark
Praying my words to you made their mark
Believe in me, hope for me
Some of the strong started weak
My weakness is in my mind
Growing, bending, running chills up my spine
This mental rollercoaster will never end it seems
The only thing left to do is follow my dreams
One day I will conquer all and be the victor
Even if every day I grow even sicker.

Pain

What is pain? According to the encyclopedia, pain is "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage". Now, when you think of pain what do you think of? Some of you are going to say pain is anything that hurts, others will say pain is what you feel when you break an arm, or cut your finger in the kitchen, and of course you would all be right. But, just this once think about it differently.

Pain is the one thing that reassures we are human beings. If we felt nothing we would never learn. How could we learn as a child that something was hot if we did not touch it and we felt the pain of correctiveness. Do not be fooled pain is not limited to "actual or potential tissue damage", everyone knows the sting of heart ache.

Even if its as a child and our best friend moves away, or our dog dies, the pain is real and its just as tangible as the flame. Such a pain however does not heal as a physical wound would, instead an emotional pain can hurt much more and take way longer to heal, such wounds leave everlasting scars. This is how I know that pain proves us as human beings. Your probably thinking that animals have emotions and stuff too. I have to disagree. Animals can feel on a physical level because of their nerves in their bodies, but an animal who does not have a soul how can they feel pain the same way as humans or even on the same level?

This is is why pain as in death should be embraced, because pain will remind us who we are and why we felt that pain. Pain is naught but a learning tool, used to apply its corrective banter on us without speaking a single word.