The most loneliest day of my life

There is an emptiness in my heart that I can't quite explain
No matter how hard I try, It always stays the same
I follow my routine day in and day out staying busy
The self-righteous fiddlings of my daily routine make me dizzy
Who am I? What am I? DO I question my existence or wait for another lonely day?
Who are you? What are you? Why do I pine for you so when if I found you I wont know what to say?
Forever lost in this sea of emptiness, locked inside my head I wait and see
I wait and ponder and strive and think about what I am to be
I will just sit and bide my time and hold back all the strife
On the most loneliest day of my life....

Enough

At what point in time do we all decide to say its enough and quit? SO many times since I have been in Arizona have I came just a hair's breadth from quitting and giving up on life in general. Yet no matter how hard things become I keep going. I do not know why I do, nor do I care. I cannot, absolutely cannot give up.

Quitting is something that everyone does atleast once in their lives. I have however grown tired of this defeatist attitude. I have problems just like everyone else. However, I do not believe its how we deal with our problems that define us as people. I believe its how you pick yourself up after you have already dealt with your problems. Falling is always the easiest thing you'll ever do, getting back up again becomes the problem.

It is easy to fix problems as they arise, but how many of us actually try and actively prevent the same thing happening again. Ideally its always a learning experience, but not everyone learns from their mistakes and that is the entire purpose of this post. The things we do everyday, our actions, our thoughts everything is part of who we are.

So to all of you I say this. When will you decide that your tired of losing, tired of crying, tired of failing, when will you all decide that you've had enough?

Schizophrenic Conversations

Conversations in the mirror
Words and faces never queerer
An army of one
Never limited yet never done
Inside the darkness I argue and fight, and gnash and bite
Stuck forever with this manifold blight
Alone in the dark I sit and wait
Never early nor ever late
The voices call and berate
Filling me with anger and hate
Wishing for silence, wishing for peace
Fighting myself gritting my teeth
Hands shake, cant stop, feeling bad
Its going to happen. Again, it’s sad
How do I fight that which I can’t see
No bullet can hurt an invisible enemy
Nothing left to do but take more medicine
It is my burden my gift and my sin
Inside my closet, fetal position
Schizophrenic conversations, searching for redemption
Come with me inside my mind
Ill take you on a journey of a lifetime
When its over you’ll understand
In my mind im not the only man
Relieving the pressure with words when alone
I am allowed to sit and calm them, atone
Here I am once again in the dark
Praying my words to you made their mark
Believe in me, hope for me
Some of the strong started weak
My weakness is in my mind
Growing, bending, running chills up my spine
This mental rollercoaster will never end it seems
The only thing left to do is follow my dreams
One day I will conquer all and be the victor
Even if every day I grow even sicker.

Pain

What is pain? According to the encyclopedia, pain is "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage". Now, when you think of pain what do you think of? Some of you are going to say pain is anything that hurts, others will say pain is what you feel when you break an arm, or cut your finger in the kitchen, and of course you would all be right. But, just this once think about it differently.

Pain is the one thing that reassures we are human beings. If we felt nothing we would never learn. How could we learn as a child that something was hot if we did not touch it and we felt the pain of correctiveness. Do not be fooled pain is not limited to "actual or potential tissue damage", everyone knows the sting of heart ache.

Even if its as a child and our best friend moves away, or our dog dies, the pain is real and its just as tangible as the flame. Such a pain however does not heal as a physical wound would, instead an emotional pain can hurt much more and take way longer to heal, such wounds leave everlasting scars. This is how I know that pain proves us as human beings. Your probably thinking that animals have emotions and stuff too. I have to disagree. Animals can feel on a physical level because of their nerves in their bodies, but an animal who does not have a soul how can they feel pain the same way as humans or even on the same level?

This is is why pain as in death should be embraced, because pain will remind us who we are and why we felt that pain. Pain is naught but a learning tool, used to apply its corrective banter on us without speaking a single word.

Chronicles of Life and Death 7

Death is release form the pain and corruption of this transient dirge of human existence.
Who are you to explain the difference of life and death, you who falls into the well of greediness and blackmail...
tis not the sweetest of bittersweet memories as of that which is the reign of true man.
Book closed on 7th chronicle.

Chronicles of Life and Death 6

Death opens the 6th chapter of the Chronicles of Life and Death. You claim to be a crusader, a defender of the weak, you claim to be steadfast and worthy,
yet you have been cowardly when faced with the throes of life.
Not able to keep someone happy, long enough for them love you.
you are a disappointment.

Chronicles of Life and Death 5

Living in fear of your own shadow is not real way to live now is it? Fear is but a concept for those weak of the mind, you have no right to do what you do.
If you take me now I will be a martyr, for those who do not fear the reaper's scythe. To die in the name of something bigger than yourself is to be selfless.
Where is your selflessness? THe book closes on the 5th Chronicles of life and Death.